Yes, I'm back after a long time. I did want to write something earlier but I guess the routine work life made me very lazy.
Now coming to the topic of discussion - sometimes most of us are mature enough to handle situations and sometimes some incident teaches us thing or two. And I too learnt something but I hope its not too late.
I have some awesome male friends and lucky to have them in my life and some relations over a period of time has evolved into sister brother relationship and some still remain my yaar / dost/soulmates..;) I guess we all must have gone through this feeling - that life was so much fun when we all were single or in a relationship but then one day all got married and something changed.
Your soulmates (male friends) are now very busy, not available to you at anytime of the day for stupid suggestions you need or no more your 3 a.m friends. In some cases all this might have happened between you and your girlfriends but let us look at it some other time:) as topic of discussion is relationship between a married man and his female friend.
I know now things are not the same as it used to be. Becoz certainly in most of the cases the better half might not be comfortable or yes priorities have changed, one has a core responsibility to keep each other happy. And I guess its really hard to explain your wife - how beautiful your relationship is with your girl-friend (female friend). But as a female friend we too have to understand that our male friend is married now and we should respect his space and not disturb him especially at odd times. I am sure you will have some girl friends / other friends or relatives who might come to your rescue when you need help. Also somewhere we need to learn to be independent as it might not be possible for our friends to be available for us always.
And just to justify, least we want to do is, turn our beautiful relationship into something like 'oh he is my brother, she is like my sister, we are like siblings'...'Kya ek ladka ladki dost nahin ho sakte hahin' ;), well..ho sakte hain..I have wonderful friends around who respect my space and I respect theirs. And my husband understands all these better than me. He handles all this gracefully and doesn't stress me with CBI questions. But obviously if somebody calls late in the night ...every alternate day might not be taken well by anybody.
I also know there are some women who don't pay much attention to all these and will still behave the same when the are with their friends wives. Its ok to do that when you know your friends wife too well and you also know that she is pretty cool to handle it and doesn't feel bad. Let me also share a secret, we women - we feel so proud that our husband is our best friend and he is only ours..and blah...blah and mera pati sirf mera hain....;).
There is a thin line and its difficult to judge if a friend really admires your husband as a friend or is there something more to that.
But what do we have to lose, if he has to go, he will and its better to let someone go amicably and then fuss about it and stress your heart the whole life.
Well one incident changed my thinking because I was that girl-friend <read -female friend> of a married husband. I sensed some discomfort (though I was not the matter of concern), but it did teach me something, soon I realized how sometimes I too feel bit insecure ... it was the awakening for me.
And after this awakening, I told my husband - "I know now how it feels to be a friend of a married male friend and I really do not want to spoil a beautiful relationship only because I am a wife, I know what it means to have a friend " and I guess we all should care about our friends.
I mean life is too small to worry about things like "OMG is he with her or is she with him and they gell so well, they laugh and all but when I am around they don't, may be he likes her more than me or she likes him more than me"...I guess we all then should take a moment and really sit back and wonder if this relationship is meant to be. 'Trust' is the key and yes both the partners should talk about it like two grown-ups and build that. Sometimes it doesn't come on the same day you enter a relationship, both have to work on it and build it together. If you are going out with a friend from opposite sex, inform your spouse, build that trust, don't keep them in the dark, and yes certainly your spouse should understand it and let you enjoy your space. But this liberty and space shouldn't mean that you flirt around and cheat on your partner.
It's very important that we spend quality time with our partners and do fun things together.
Also I guess we should take care how we behave with our friends when we have our spouses around, if you have a cool spouse then need not worry but if your spouse is sensitive you have to work on building that trust and then make her/him comfortable.
Well and yes let me also tell you...whoever has been following my write-ups..marriages has ups and downs but do not let anyone take you for granted and if you feel your partner is cheating on you..face it and please talk about it. What action you want to take and how you want lead your life is your personal choice but do express your feelings.
And yes we both do keep fighting but at the end of the day we love and need each other and we love our friends:).
Cya.
